Call me a threat to national security...

http://gantdaily.com/2010/12/14/child-nutrition-law-supports-healthier-school-menus/

At the risk of aiding in the national security threat of obese children (as referenced by Mrs. Michelle Obama after her husband signed the new school lunch bill), let me tell you about "healthy" school lunches. Every day I serve 150+ middle school kids. They can choose from usually about 10 meal options. There are deli meals, grill meals, pizza, and "ala carte" options. To qualify for free, reduced, or school lunch prices the meal needs several components. Typically I serve a steamed vegetable with the main meal choices. With grill meals the kids get fries. With deli meals they get chips. The student then must pick up a juice or milk and we make the "assumption" that he or she also visits the salad bar.

You should see the looks I get when I put steamed broccoli on the tray next to macaroni and cheese. Sometimes I get loud protests of "I don't want the green beans!" My garbage disposal in the dish room eats more steamed vegetables daily than the entire student body combined. I don't blame them. I don't eat the steamed broccoli either.

As much as we post "Eat your green veggies!" signs all over the lunch room, I see an average of maybe 10 trays (out of approx 150) each day that have any evidence of having been anywhere near the salad bar. And the evidence is usually a half-eaten pile of baby carrots drenched in an ocean of Ranch dressing. Of course, the number jumps substantially when we put pudding on the salad bar. Then nearly every tray has obviously been there.

We are required to have daily vegetarian options. This includes pre-packaged salads, veggie wraps, etc. We throw them into the compost pile. All of them.

From the "higher up" folks we hear constantly, "Let's sell more school lunches!" and "Let's get those lunch counts up!" Let me tell you right now that my most faithful customers are those who come every single day for their pizza or cheeseburger or spicy chicken sandwich. Pizza comes with nothing other than a milk or juice and the potential of salad bar. Cheeseburgers and spicy chickens come with fries and salad bar. The kids who DO choose a main meal option (i.e. the meals that come with steamed veggies) are always happy to pay an extra dollar to add fries to their meal. My garbage disposal doesn't even know what a french fry looks like.

My second most faithful customers are those children who don't even buy school lunch. They just keep us in business by buying snacks: muffins, fruit roll ups, chips, popcorn, fruit by the foot, gushers, cookies, brownies, etc. They never ask to purchase the salad bar. Even when there's pudding.

So how exactly are we supposed to make our lunches more healthy than they already are? Serve MORE vegetables to the garbage disposal and compost pile? Take away the fatty Ranch dressing from the salad bar? Then kids won't even eat the carrots. And if you get rid of the pudding, few kids will even bother to check the salad bar in anticipation of pudding days.

I know exactly what will happen if we try to make school lunches more healthy. Our faithful customers will leave us for sack lunches filled with powdered donuts, fruit gushers, and sodas.

Good job, Mrs. Obama.